Why?

Before we dive into the Bible (because I'm still waiting for mine to come in the mail), I thought about the question I hear most often in regards to God: "If He is truly in control of all things, then why would God let us suffer?" I'm gonna need you to take a huge step back now and remind yourself that I am not a priest, nor a preacher, not even a nun. I'm just a 34 year old trying to grasp things as best I can. And in my own, personal way, provide an answer that satisfies my soul, with the possibility of reaching someone else. The real answer is I don't know. Right now, especially, as the entire world is shutting down, it's easy to ask why. Why can God allow these bad things to happen? And I don't know. But I do know what comforts me in these times and how I come to terms with things like loss, pain, and destruction.

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DEATH AND LOSS

The thought alone of losing someone I love brings me intense anxiety and overwhelms my mind with irrational thoughts. If you've ever suffered from anxiety, it's super helpful when someone tells you to calm down or 'just don't think about it'. Sarcasm. Instead, I allow my thoughts to enter but I rationalize them. I'm going to say something that's incredibly difficult to hear but it's profound and inevitable; we're all going to die. I know, I'm upset, too. But, I truly believe, that YOUR belief in something bigger than yourself, something you can trust with blind faith, can help welcome the thought of death or loss with a sense of calm. I've lost people I've loved and I've mourned. And I ugly cried and blamed the world and ate pasta. But as I grow older, I know that we are living this life to get to somewhere that words can't describe. Where all pain is gone and there is no suffering. There's no judgment and no hate. Where you're reunited with those you loved the most. Heaven.. I'm talking about Heaven. I don't know if it's in the clouds but that works for me because I've seen some pictures of really pretty clouds and I'm totally fine spending my days lounging on what I imagine to be the world's softest bean bags. And I really want wings but I'm not picky. I'm telling you right now, that if you believe in something, life becomes a lot easier and hope pushes you forward.

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TRAGEDY

This is one of the hardest things to rationalize. I get it. How could God allow The Holocaust to happen? The only thing I can say is, God didn't create The Holocaust or Mass Genocide or sex trafficking; people did. Humans can be bad. They have that choice. Corruption, Greed, Hate.. it all exists. I haven't a clue the pain that is created from such cruelty, and in no way am I trying to persuade any one to believe. It is absolutely understandable that a human being could deny God's existence. But without that faith, what is there? And by refusing that faith, we only punish ourselves.

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CHOICE

We all have choices we can make. Truly, you can do whatever you want. But, there will be consequences to those choices you make. You can absolutely remove all of your clothes and go for a walk. It's your choice. But there will be consequences. Someone will unfortunately see you, call the police (I hope), and you'll be arrested for indecent exposure. Rightfully so. Don't be ridiculous. While God is looking over us and wants the best for each of us, he doesn't interfere in our personal choice. How would we grow and learn and persevere? We can all think of a time of struggle in our lives that taught us some sort of lesson, regardless of how difficult it was in the moment. You gain strength from experience and can then use that strength to dictate your life choices in the future.

Disease and disaster may develop. While God does not interfere, He created the little girl that has become a scientist and has grown to develop the medicine to fight that disease. And He created the nurse who steps forward during any disaster to aide the helpless. These tragedies open our eyes to those that need help around us. They empower us to do better. With Covid19 spreading across the world, you see people stepping up to help those that are suffering. Young people are delivering food to the old, doctors and nurses are coming out of retirement to provide relief, communities are donating to struggling businesses. Sometimes it's enough to step back and appreciate the good in the world. To be grateful for what we have and let it motivate us to show empathy, compassion, charity, and love.

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Let's use this space to remind ourselves that I can be the most dramatic, emotional, sensitive, sarcastic human on earth. I'm reminding myself, too. I don't always practice what I preach. Even though I swear I'm not preaching. I'm not reflecting on lessons learned when the fire alarm wakes me out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night. I'm not grateful that I have the ability to hear or thanking God for the technology that produces a sound similar to a dying goat. I'm crying and I'm running through my entire house without pants on. And then I'm calling my mom. Then I'm wiping mascara from my face.. and putting pants on.. for when the fire department shows up to turn it off. And I'm not forgiving Judy from 3 units down, because she was the one who triggered the alarm. Eff you Judy. But I'm working on it. And that's progress, right?

One day we'll know everything. Trust that there is a plan for you and you're being guided each step of the way. Every struggle we face, every tear we shed, loss we grieve, pain we suffer, will all make sense one day. And each time we overcome an obstacle, we are being shaped into exactly what we were meant to be.

xoxo

Tayla